A Hair Appointment That Left Her Seeing Red

I understand that in 2010, a typical driver’s ed curriculum consists of defensive driving strategies, simulator games, hands on experience in a real vehicle, road sign quizzes, drug and alcohol facts, discussions about the danger of texting and driving and rules of engagement for navigating around bikes and pedestrians. When I took driver’s ed, back in the late 1970s, the bulk of the class involved viewing ghastly footage of twisted and mangled vehicles and bodies covered by sheets.

I’m sure much of the new curriculum is the result of top notch computer programming and years of research. Having said that, guess who I’d rather get in the car with - a graduate of the 2010 class or a Baby Boomer who was scared witless by a barrage of blood and guts? I’ll put my life in the hands of that 40+ year old every day of the week. When it comes to behavior modification, fear does have its place.

I tell you this, because today I’m sharing a cautionary hair tale. I feel certain that after you read it, you will sprint to your phone and dial up Hot Heads.

One of the blogs I read on a semi-regular basis is called Lisa and Laura Write. Basically it contains the random musings of two sisters who are writers in the young adult genre. (Think Stephanie Meyer minus the gazillion dollar advance.) I knew I should follow them as soon as I read their bio. Here’s how they describe themselves: The Hilton Sisters - spray tans + brains - 4 inches + 20 (ok, fine...30) pounds ÷ Cleveland, OH. Love it!

In their Friday, June 4th post, http://lisa-laura.blogspot.com/2010/06/hair-mergency.html, Laura reminisces about a former do that sounded quite like the trademark look of skateboarder, Shaun White aka The Flying Tomato. She used the words “red” and “mullet” in the same sentence and I think we all know that the only time that should happen is when one is discussing fish.

Her post goes on to detail her current “hair-mergency” which involved a stint as a maid of honor, a stylist with a compromised immune system and an end result which left me craving the following summer cocktail. (Check out the post and you'll understand. It's rather amusing! :)



In the meantime, I’m going to tell you again, girls. You can’t leave these things to chance. If you want to look fabulous, and I know you do, stay in Florida and book your appointments with the hair professionals at Hot Heads 407-671-0480. If you don’t, there is always that possibility that your hair will end up looking like the top 2/3 of a traffic light. Is that a chance you’re willing to take? I think not!

Back To The Future

I just saw on AOL that some guy invented a hovercraft. It's not capable of holding a human being or of whisking anyone through time and space or anything, but it's a start. We've already got our Dick Tracy watches. (Well, we don't wear them on our wrists and people call them cellphones, but we all know what they really are and who thought of them first.) Now that Hovercraft 1.1 is a reality too, can Doc Brown's DeLorean be far behind? I think not.

I have been saying for some time that the only way I'd go back to my 20s would be if I could take my 40 something year old brain back with me. What if I could? What if I could take my 2010 knowlege about men, life, the importance of accessories to an outfit and a timeline for the dotcom bubble and bust back with me? What if all of that knowledge resided in my 20 year old bod? Oh my goodness, I'm fairly certain I could rule the world.

Rock Star Mom

When I was in high school, I regularly read Seventeen Magazine. This meant that if I had ever been invited to join a boyfriend and his family at their house in The Hamptons, I would’ve known just what to wear. After Seventeen, I moved onto Glamour. Glamour made sure I knew to wear a basic black dress to work on (the many) days when I had to go straight from the office to a snazzy uptown cocktail party on the arm of an impossibly handsome attorney. Glamour also instructed me on the importance of stashing a sheer wrap, a tasteful clutch, sparkly earrings, the perfect shade of red lipstick and strappy sandals in my briefcase on days of this sort.

Between, my slick glossy fashion tutorials, the lovely and talented Georgette (of Gems from Georgette fame) and the bevy of beautiful and fashion forward women I am fortunate enough to call my close friends, I thought I had all the style resources I would ever need at my disposal. I couldn’t envision any social challenge that could possibly stump my team. Well, consider us stumped.

I know what to wear to a Derby Party. I know how to dress to stomp grapes. I’ve seen adorable suggested outfits for barn weddings ….and sailing excursions … and co-ed baby showers. I even know how to dress for a clambake. What I don’t know… what no one seems to know … is what is considered appropriate “Mom of a Rock Star” wear.

All of a sudden, I find myself having to assemble outfits for CD release parties, for video shoots and for tour sendoff cookouts. This is completely uncharted territory for me. There are no multi-page spreads addressing this dilemma in any of the magazines I have consulted. My friends are of no help. They know just what to wear to a former student’s wedding, to a lacrosse banquet, to a private school graduation luncheon, to a parents weekend meet and greet or to a country club brunch celebrating a neighbor’s 75th. They are of absolutely no help, however, when it comes to what one should wear when hobnobbing with other parents from a child’s band before a midnight show at The Social downtown.

Part of the problem is that there have been no pioneers. The only Mom of a “Rock Star” I can identify on sight is Debbie Nelson, Eminem’s Mom. I try to stay positive on this blog, so I need to be diplomatic here. Let’s just say, this isn’t really a look I aspire to possess.

My objective is to look hip enough so as not to embarrass my son, but I don’t want to cross the line. (I can assure you, he doesn’t want me to cross the line either. I am to blend in with the other parents and stay in the back, but I’m not to look too much like a Mom. I am not to wear outfits that draw too much attention, but I am to be current and stylish in case he chooses to introduce me to anyone or to give me a shout out from the stage. I need to look attractive enough – and yes, he wants my hair straightened - so the girls will think, “Oh yeah… now I see where he gets it...now I see why he’s considered one of the cute ones.” :). I’m not to look like I’m trying to pick up a 25 year old though. I am not to show cleavage… AS IF.) It’s all quite complicated. There are a whole list of unspoken rules he’s conveyed, but they aren’t really helping me either.)

I’ve run a mental checklist and tried to establish some basic parameters:

Spandex? .. NO!
Uber black, spider - like false eyelashes? Probably not.
Concert t-shirts? … Hmmm… Not sure… This is tricky! Oldie goldie shirts could be cool … or they might date me. (These kids hadn’t even been born during Bruce’s Born in the USA Tour.) Should I buy a shirt the band sells at the “merch” table when I arrive and change … or is that like wearing a 5K shirt to a race you haven’t run yet? Is wearing one of my son’s band’s shirts to his show overkill? Does it make me come off like one of those Moms who prattles on endlessly about her child’s accomplishments during staff meetings at work? I mean, Debbie Phelps can wear Michael’s face on her t-shirt and it is perfectly acceptable, but it would look just plain odd if Dog, The Bounty Hunter’s Mom wore his face on hers. What to do?! Elizabeth Post never addressed this.
Magenta highlights in my hair? Just can’t see it. Besides, I like the highlights I already have, thank you very much!
Jeans? This is a toughie too Mom jeans? No. Skinny, hole-y jeans?… a) I don’t have any. b) I couldn’t fit into them if I did have them. Jeans that turn heads? Whose heads would I be attempting to turn? There will likely be exactly five other “adults” at Thursday’s concert: the parents of the lead singer, the parents of the bass player and the band manager. I’m sure they’ll all be happy to know that I’m not interested in attracting that kind of attention from any of them.
A studded belt? Just seems too Brittany during her shaved head and umbrella stage.

Here’s what I wore to the last show.

I believe I bought it at Forever 21. (Thankfully they didn’t card me at the door and bar me from entering.) A lot of people in the crowd have tattoos and this dress is a nod to that. (For the record, I did not wear this as a dress. I added a taupe-y/lavender shell, so as to be in compliance with the unspoken cleavage rule, then I put leggings under it and wore it as a top. I’m sure the 20 something year old guys who were behind me in the crowd appreciated that I knew no one was interested in seeing the aging, pale, jiggly, varicose vein adorned thighs of one of the guitarists’ Moms. (This was obviously before Operation Get My Groove Back.)

The outfit is my way of saying, "Yes, I know who Ed Hardy is, but no, I am not interested in enduring the pain, spending the money or making the commitment a real tattoo would require." Also, and this point cannot be overstated - I’m over 40 and on the conservative side. Nobody (and I’m including myself in that category) wants to see me with a giant skull and cross bones on the back of my neck.

BTW, see my cousin, Myrna (next to me in the pic)? Doesn’t she look adorable? She is sporting a black t-shirt with the phrase “Rock On” in silver lettering across the front. It’s from the Wal-Mart Miley Cyrus line and it was purchased especially for the CD release party. (I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m assuming that this is the only item from the Wal-Mart Miley Cyrus collection in Myrna’s closet.)

Myrna was such a good sport. She kept me entertained the whole night. At one point, I saw her summoning one of the bouncers over. He probably assumed that she was being jostled by a kid in the mosh pit and in need of rescuing. The guy, a big burly sort with dreads barely concealed under a croched hat, came over with a deadly serious expression on his face, obviously prepared to toss the offending kid out on his ear. Next thing I know, the guy is laughing and mugging for the camera. All Myrna had wanted was to have her picture taken with him. She even screamed along with one of the warm up bands. It was impressive (!!)....so much so that it prompted my friend, Sharon to deadpan, "Oh, I see you know the lyrics." That cracks me up even now!

Though I still wish my little pumpkin
was up at UF studying Engineering…and though I wish I could still choose his outfits and accessories (!!!), I have to give him props for pursuing his passion. When he was growing up, I had the Thoreau quote, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.” all over our home. Apparently he took it to heart.

Perhaps, I should’ve looked for a poster that said, “Go confidently in the direction of your Mother’s dreams for you. Study hard. Get good grades. Write a bang up college application essay. Get accepted to a top tier school. Graduate with Honors. Get a fabulous, high paying job. Marry a wholesome girl who loves you and who will go shopping with me. Go to church every Sunday and provide me with adorable grandchildren to play with when I return from traveling the world.” *For the record, I’m still holding on tight to those last five or six!

Bottom line: My son is happy right now and the other kids in the band are actually great, smart, funny, friendly, talented, young men, most of whom were raised with the same values I tried to impart. This could be way worse. (Somebody has to be Marilyn Manson’s Mother. Can’t I tell you how glad I am that it’s not me!)

I spent too much of my life talking about what I wanted to do “someday” and waiting in the wings for things to change. My son is actively pursuing his dreams and working towards realizing them. I’m trying to embrace that and I’m trying to free my inner Rock Star Mom.

The band is doing alright too. I haven’t been asked to pick out a Grammy outfit yet, but he is in a “signed” band. He will be crisscrossing the country while on tour this Summer and he will see states I’ve yet to see. (Regardless of where this goes… There are worse things a person could do at age 21 than go see the country with a group of friends.) His band’s CD can be purchased on Amazon, I-Tunes and a host of other music - related sites and and they did just release their first professionally produced video. Here’s a link in case you want to see it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1e3FAxTHJQ4

I just watched it again and I had an epiphany. Maybe I do still have some influence on what he wears after all. 1) Those look like my old jeans 2) Though I tend to wear my silver hoops in my ears, I do own some. and 3) He got the inspiration for that plaid somewhere. (See above.)

Anyway, I’ll let you know what I decide to wear this Thursday. I’m sure you’ll be waiting with baited breath. In the meantime, I thought I’d share a song I “wrote” (read…stole from Pink and altered) called, So What He’s A Rock Star.

Yes, I’m an empty nester
He grabbed his guitar and went
My son’s off to make some money
Says music will pay his rent
I made sure he went to the right schools
I read to him every night
All of his grade school teachers said
God, that child is bright

[Chorus]
But
Guess what? he’s now a rock star
He’s got his rock moves
He doesn’t need me
And guess what
He’s having more fun
My talented son
He’s gonna show me, he’s right
He’s alright
He’s just fine
No longer needs school so
So what
He is a rock star
He’s got his rock moves
And his music is tight

Unh Check my flow Uohhh

Played him LOQ, not lullabies
And talked to him ‘bout famous Brits
Guess I kinda played a role in
His desire to make musical hits
Now his song’s been on the radio (on Real Rock 101.1)
And on I-Tunes for kids to buy
When I talk to him ‘bout getting back in school
We always end up in a fight

Na na na na
We always end up in a fight
Na na na na
We always end up in a fight

[Chorus]
But
Guess what? he’s now a rock star
He’s got his rock moves
He doesn’t need me
And guess what
He’s having more fun
My talented son
He’s gonna show me, he’s right
He’s alright
He’s just fine
No longer needs school so
So what
He is a rock star
He’s got his rock moves
And his music is tight

I’ll always care
That is for sure
I love that kid.. Short or long hair
I gave him life
Gave him my all
I’ve got his back, won’t let him fall

[Chorus]
But
Guess what, he’s now a rock star
He’s got his rock moves
He doesn’t need me
And guess what
He’s having more fun
My talented son
He’s gonna show me, he’s right
He’s alright
He’s just fine
Doesn’t need school so
So what
He is a rock star
He’s got his rock moves
And his music is tight

No, no, no, no piercings, that just ain’t right
And oh that hair
Sometimes it’s really a sight
Quite the sight
Blows my mind!
And please no tattoos, oh!

God help me, he’s now a rock star
He’s got his rock moves
And he don’t need me. His future’s bright.
He’s got his rock moves

(Wooohooooooo! )

Ba da da da pffftt

XXOO The HHG

I've Got A Crush...On My Brush!

It’s Spring and love is in the air. I’m one of the ones feeling it. Up ‘til now, I’ve kept this new relationship under wraps. I can’t any longer though. If you’ve seen me recently, you’ve probably noticed that something was different about me….that I just can’t stop smiling….that I’m positively beaming and that I’m sending off happy rays. Today I’m going to tell you what that’s all about.

You know that feeling when you’re newly in love and you drive all of your friends crazy because you just can’t stop talking about how spectacular the current object of your affection is? Well, I’m there right now and, if you will be so kind as to indulge me, I’ll tell you why. If you’re in an “I HATE hearts and flowers and anything having to do with romance” mood, I have a promise to make on the front end: There are more out there like this one. I know where they are and I’d be happy to make the introductions.

OK… I’ve got to back up a bit. Looks like I’m getting a head of myself. (See, didn’t I tell you I was feeling giddy?) I’m going to start at the beginning.

In order to properly appreciate the fabulousness of my new love, you have to start with an understanding of what I’ve been through. So… for those of you who aren’t already in the know, I’ll give you a quick introduction to some of my exes. (Trust me. There were others besides the ones mentioned below!)

This was young love. Simply put: I outgrew this one.

I don’t know how to describe this one without sounding crass and rude. I guess I’ll just come out with it: This one was rough and didn’t know what he was doing. He was common. He was a rank amateur. He was cheap and he left me completely frazzled.


This one had pretty boy syndrome. He was attractive enough to look at, but he was a bit of an airhead.


This one and I went round and round… for years. He had some redeeming qualities, but when I think back on our time together, I just bristle.
I could look back on all of these relationships with disdain, but I’ve chosen not to. I’ve chosen to take the high road. I wish them all the best. Having said that, I don’t wish for them to end up with any of you. Please learn from my mistakes. If you are not deliriously happy in this area of your life right now in the same way that I am, here is my advice to you… set your standards higher and venture out there and get what you need.

Without further ado…. Let me introduce HIM. (Did you hear singing in the background? I did!)

This magnificent creature has kind of a long name. Just more of him to love, I say. His first name is PC. It stands for pin cushion. It’s a bit unorthodox, I know. Basically, it means that though he's got a tough exterior and though he’s lean and angular…he’s got a soft side too. I just love his soft side!

His middle name is Tourmaline. I didn’t know the origin of that name so I looked it up. (Even when I’m head over heels, I still run to Google, so I know what I’m dealing with.) Apparently Tourmaline has something to do with gems and ions and being a protector. Gem? That is a nice word, don’t you think? When I hear the world gem in conjunction with someone I’m involved with, I consider that to be a very good thing. Being a protector? How refreshing to have someone in my life who looks out for me… and ions? Well, I’m not going to over analyze that. Basically it means, he’s sending off some amazing vibes and that we’ve got great chemistry.

My beau’s last name is Paddle Brush. Kind of sounds like he’s got a wild side, doesn’t it? Maybe he does. I don’t ever call him by his last name though, I just call him Mr. Wonderful.

Since I’m among friends here, I’m going to kiss and tell. Mr. Wonderful and I spend a lot of time together when I am just out of the shower. As you might imagine, things are kind of steamy right about then. I always want to engage with him at this point, but I don’t let myself. Since I’ve read The Rules, I know I’ll have better results if I make him wait. I do. I dry off and then… he goes to work.

You want more details? Honestly, girls, show some decorum. This is a PG rated blog and I need to leave something to your imagination. I’m just going to tell you this: He is quite the smooth operator. He is sleek. He is sure and he brings out the very best in me. Let me tell you this too… I flat out love this one. I do. I like the way he looks. I like the way he feels and I think he’s a keeper.

Where did we meet, you ask? Well, Barry sort of introduced us. He wasn’t actually in the room when I first saw Mr. Wonderful, but he did tell me about all his incredible attributes and he did he did vouch for him.

Honestly, I’ve never been happier in this area of my life. I hope you don’t think it’s insensitive for me to gush and carry on like this when I know some of you don’t have this. I’m sorry. I just can’t help it! That’s how satisfied I am right now. As I said earlier though, though, I can hook you up. I want you to be this happy too! Just give me the word and I’ll gladly do the introductions.

Happy Spring, Girls! XXOO, The HHG

Missin' You, Sugar!

Yesterday, I shared a couple of stories about some conversations I had recently at the Altamonte Springs Dunkin Donuts. Since I’m “back on the wagon" today and consequently dealing with dealing with sugar withdrawal, I think I’ll placate myself by at least thinking about donuts. (Darn this Operation Get My Groove Back!)

If you’ll indulge me, here is part two of my Dunkin Donuts love story. (We’ve got history!) Actually, I should really call this Donut Love, The Prequel, because it starts at *the beginning*.

Someone else who "gets it"

To put my relationship with the Altamonte Springs Dunkin Donuts in a context readers of this blog will understand, when I started patronizing the store, my hair was in the early 70s version of a pixie cut and the color of my roots was a non-issue. Below, please find a brief essay I wrote about all this several years back. In addition to explaning the depth of my devotion (dysfunction? :), it will offer you a little advice I think will serve you well. Enjoy!

When my son was younger, he was once given an assignment to write an autobiography. One of the topics he was to address in this autobiography was his place of birth. I’m sure the other kids wrote things like Poughkeepsie, NY or New Orleans. My child wrote that he was born at Florida Hospital near the Dunkin Donuts. I thought this was pretty amusing. When I go to Dunkin Donuts, a related thought often goes through my mind. I glance over at the hospital and smile to myself thinking, Ahhh, look… my little sweetheart was born there.

Dunkin Donuts recently had a message on its marquee thanking its customers for 30 years of patronage. As one of the people who has been frequenting that store for those three decades, I say a resounding, “You’re Welcome”.

Shortly after my parents got divorced and my mother decided we needed to move several hours upstate to make a fresh start, my brother, my sister and I began our relationship with the Altamonte Springs Dunkin Donuts. Our father, who I have often described as a better part time father than most full time fathers, faithfully drove an eight or nine hour round trip to see us every other weekend from the time we moved to Central Florida when I was still in elementary school until the time my younger brother went off to college. Sometimes he even drove another two hours once he got here so we could spend the weekend at the Cocoa Beach Holiday Inn. When that didn’t happen, the place we stayed at most often was the Ramada Inn, located less than a mile and a half from the beckoning orange and pink sign.

The Dunkin Donuts sign is actually one of the things I like best about that store. I don’t know the owners personally, but I know this… they’re good people. Sometimes the sign out front advertises the coffee or a particular special, but more often than not, the message on the sign is something uplifting. That has been the case for as far back as I can remember.

As I recall, my sister liked the “honey dipped” donuts or the crullers the best, my brother the jelly and my Dad the maple. What I liked then were the chocolate cream filled ones. (I’ve since moved onto chocolate glazed.)

While the donuts were the big draw when I was a child, the coffee, polite kids behind the counter and cleanliness keep me coming back. Starbucks, Einstein’s and Panera’s have their place, to be certain, but for a regular $1.99 cup of coffee to jump start your morning, Dunkin Donuts just can’t be beat.

As for the kids, two things stand out to me. One, they must ride to work in Doc Brown’s Delorean, because they exhibit a level of customer service you just don’t see from teenagers today. The other thing that I’ve noticed is that the same kids are there week after week, which I assume means that they enjoy their jobs.

The reason I feel the need to mention the Altamonte Springs Dunkin Donuts, is because our town just “hired” the donut store version of a buxom blonde secretary in a tight skirt and scoop necked blouse. Right down the street from Dunkin Donuts in an old Pizza Hut, a gimmicky new donut, coffee and dessert chain with a provocative name and an eye catching logo (Hotties - in funky black letters, “i” dotted with a little red heart) just set up shop. About a mile down from this new Hotties, is a Hotties billboard, so you can’t really miss the place.

Hotties is cute. I know because I’ve been there. The floors are black and white and the employees smartly dressed and solicitous. The donuts, pastry versions of the houses in Seaside or Celebration (Florida’s planned communities), are symmetrical, colorful and artfully arranged. They sit on silver chrome trays behind glass. Some have pink icing. Some have white icing. Some have chocolate icing and a few have cherries on top. In the back of the store, there is a beverage station complete with a gleaming silver coffee urn and on the side wall, neatly arranged merchandise shelves.

The reason I went to Hotties, aside from curiosity, was because my son and his friends begged me to take them there. While they didn’t tell me this directly, I could tell by what they said to each other that the desire to try new donuts had nothing to do with this request. Based on the appearance of the sign, these boys were convinced that Hotties was Hooters with a different menu. (Since I knew it wasn’t, I obliged.)

Everyone I’ve talked to about this – including the boys - prefers Dunkin Donuts’ donuts to Hotties’ donuts. I could compare the coffee, but why? It would be too much like watching the US Men’s Olympic Basketball Team take on five random Hungarians… As I said earlier, nobody makes coffee like Dunkin Donuts.

I bring all this up for a reason. Whenever you are faced with a really important decision …. like what to have for breakfast or whether to cheat on your spouse, remember this phrase: “Watch out for the Hotties.*”

** Note: shortly after I wrote this, Hotties closed.
*** Additional Note: While it’s OK to look hot … (Hello! I write a blog about hair and fashion)… when it comes to people .... and/or a donut shops … never underestimate the value of relationships and good taste! :)

Sweet Words

One of the most humbling and upsetting verbal exchanges I have ever been involved in took place at Dunkin Donuts about a year or so ago. In order to stay competitive, the Dunkin Donuts near my home had just started offering free WIFI. Though they will never have the same LPSF (laptops per/square footage) stats as Panera’s, it is no longer uncommon to see a Dunkin Donuts’ patron sitting at one of the picnic tables outside of the restaurant with a styrofoam cup of coffee in one hand and a mouse in the other. I am occasionally one of these patrons.

Apparantly this phenomenon is annoying to some. I found that out when a gentleman of a certain age tried to start a conversation with me. Here was his opening line: “Oh… I see your one of those types.” I foolishly engaged. “What type?”, I asked. “You know”, he responded, “one of those laptop and latte types who have been taking over my Dunkin Donuts”. “Your Dunkin Donuts?”, I shot back. “I’ve been coming to this Dunkin Donuts for over 30 years.” (In retrospect, I think that line is where the trouble began. He probably assumed I was already out on my own when I began frequenting the restaurant. Starting with that presumed age, he did the mental math.)

Right after I set him straight about whose Dunkin Donuts we were inhabiting, he perked up and switched into pick up mode. “You look to be about my age”, he began. “Are you single or do you have any friends who are?” I am rarely speechless, but for a moment, I was. I believe I mumbled a quick catchall “no” and looked back down at my e-mail. Mr Smooth continued, “How old are you anyway?”, he asked.

I stopped typing and looked directly at him. “Didn’t your mother ever teach you that it is impolite to ask a woman how old she is? Since we’re on the subject though, I’d like to know how old you are since you mentioned that we appear to be about the same age.” I am still trying to recover from his answer. “59”, he responded… then trying to back pedal since I was clearly offended….“but you look to be younger than that”. OUCH! (Of course this entire episode took place before Diane started doing my color. The man in question was also in the company of his devoted seeing eye dog, Trevor. *OK, perhaps that last part isn’t exactly accurate, but I have mentally edited it into my recollection. Everyone I know who had at least 39 candles on his or her last birthday cake has impaired vision. I’m sure this guy, who was clearly on the other side of 59, was no exception. In fact, I’m sure I was nothing more than a collection of fuzzy shapes to him. That’s what I’m choosing to believe anyway.)

This morning I had a more uplifting experience at Dunkin Donuts. I’m about a week into Operation Get My Groove Back and I decided to reward myself with …. a donut.

(Yes, I realize I need therapy.) Because of the jump start you get when you first go from eating really badly to eating moderately badly, I am four pounds lighter than I was last weekend. I’m kind of happy about this…so much so that I decided to put on a cute, bright pink sundress and sandals.

One of the other Dunkin Donuts regulars (another old cronie) gave me the once over and asked me how I can regularly eat donuts and still maintain my figure. I was elated. Clearly Operation Get My Groove Back is working… or clearly I am a just collection of fuzzy shapes to this guy too. In any event, I’ll take my compliments wherever I can get them.

This is my Operation GMGB tip of the week: If you are in need of a mental lift when trying to lose weight, put on a cute outfit and go hang out at the donut shop…or the ice cream parlor or outside of Lane Bryant. Being told you have a cute figure by partially blind people in these locales is not unlike being told you look young while taking part in a BINGO tournament at your Grandmother’s nursing home. It’s still nice to hear though!

Even Cowgirls Get The Hues... and Cuts and Products

One of my closest friends recently directed me to a blog written by Ree Drummond, aka The Pioneer Woman, an Oklahoma married mother of four who bills herself as a desperate housewife living in the country and channeling Lucille Ball and Ethel Merman.

I've taken to reading this blog (See link below.) whenever I wake up wondering what it must be like to live on a working cattle ranch. You would think that wouldn’t happen very often. Surprisingly, you would be wrong.

(I don't have any desire to move to the middle of nowhere and drive feed trucks through the Winter snow, but I am quite fascinated by such a delightful glimpse at what that kind of life is really like. The featured recipes on the site make me want to get in my car and drive west in hopes of scoring a dinner invitation. The pictures are straight out of a coffee table book and the captions should not be read when sipping coffee over a white linen tablecloth. Looking at this site makes me want to rent a Winnebago and go see our beautiful country. It makes me want to swoon in the arms of a man in chaps. It’s makes me want to adopt a Basset Hound – Brandy, the Wonder Dog thinks that’s a really stupid idea - and it makes me want to go play with someone else’s adorable young children.

I first got hooked on this blog after taking a little time to read the story of how Ree’s handsome rancher husband lassoed her heart between the time she left LA and the time she was scheduled to move to Chicago with hopes of starting law school. She calls this series of posts, “From Black Heels to Tractor Wheels”. In a nutshell, it’s the modern version of the 70s television show Green Acres. (That’s her characterization.) It’s the sweetest story! It’s quite humorous in places and – this is the big one – it is a good reminder that there are a couple of good guys out there in the world.

Anyway, the whole thing is kind of addictive and it’s worth a read. The blog gets about 13 million hits per/month - which just a little over 12,999,000 more than this one gets. :) I’m bringing this blog to your attention today for two reasons: The first reason is because it's February, that magical month of amore and chocolate. I’m sure we could all use a handsome cowboy story about love and lust that doesn’t end in “candy coated misery”.

The second reason is because today on her blog, The Pioneer Woman chronicled her trip to a salon in the “big city” to get haircuts for her girls. http://thepioneerwoman.com/blog/2010/02/the_haircut_chronicles/ . Her already adorable daughters are positively glowing in the after shots and Ree laments the fact that this type of trip – and any hairstyle that does not involve an elastic hairband - are such rarities for them.

This, of course, made me realize anew how lucky we are. We don’t have to ditch chores, dodge ranchers and drive hours to get our hair beautified. All we have to do is head a little ways up the road to the Seminole Towne Center and Hot Heads.

Hope you do that sometime soon. I hear love … or at least lust… is in the air. It’s time to pull out your bag of tricks and wow the man in your life… or the man you’re after. Better yet, it’s time to wow yourself! Happy February!

A Broken Resolution/My Very Good, Very Bad Hair Day

Teenage boys in remote tribal villages have to kill animals with their bare hands. In Orlando, the rite of passage is going to work for a certain highly celebrated mouse.

When I was in the eleventh grade, Disney brought a recruiter and a bus to my high school. I got on the bus and days later found myself in a polyester “costume” - Disney-speak for a uniform - a hairnet and extra long, clear plastic gloves. There, staring down the barrel of an industrial - sized steel mixing bowl, elbow deep in a cold, squishy mixture of shredded cabbage and mayonnaise, I silently took what I call the hairnet oath. I assured myself that when my Disney days were over, I would never again in this lifetime work a job where I had to wear something so unattractive on my head. *This was one of two hair edicts I gave myself during my late teens/early twenties. I also promised myself that I would never again be talked into getting a perm. Think Rhea Perlman meets Rosanne Rosanna Danna. It was a true hair tragedy. Trust me!

Though I’ve stayed strong on the perm thing, this weekend, I broke the hairnet oath. Please don’t be concerned! This breach had nothing to do with my current state of underemployment. I wore a hairnet yesterday, because a guy from my church instructed me – and the 200+ people I spent Saturday morning and early afternoon with – to put one on.

For obvious reasons, I’ve never thought that hair bound in white mesh was a good look. I would’ve thought that white mesh over someone’s face would be even less attractive. I was wrong. Are these guys not the cutest?

They worked with me yesterday morning on a meals for Haiti project. (We put together 100,000 meals in a little over four hours. Trust me, Lucy and Ethel couldn’t have handled this.)

Anyway, no regrets! Though I am normally all about warding off bad hair days, I’m quite satisfied that I had one yesterday.

This was a very nice weekend for me – for quite a few reasons. Hope you had a good one too!

(Not) Walking Through the Storm

When You Walk Through a Storm (by Rogers & Hammerstein)

When you walk through a storm

Hold your head up high

And don't be afraid of the dark.

At the end of the storm

There's a golden sky

And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind

Walk on through the rain

Though your dreams be tossed and blown.

Walk on

Walk on

With hope in your hearts

And you'll never walk alone…
Unless you’re waiting for me, in which case, you’d better hope everyone else shows up, ‘cause I’m not coming!

Though the quickest, surest way to ratchet up one’s appearance involves a trip to Hot Heads, there are other things that can be done. One of them is to exercise. As I shared back in Oct http://hotheadsgroupie.blogspot.com/2009/10/gym-not-so-dandy.html , this is not a method I prefer. In fact, I do almost everything I can to avoid it. From time to time, I catch a little grief for this. Today, I don’t think I should.

As I believe I mentioned back in that October post, I am a member of an early morning walking group. Perhaps you’ve seen (or heard) us. We are two knockout blonds, a petite brunette who could easily pass as Valerie Bertinelli’s cousin, half of the canine population of Longwood, Fl and moi. We move with great speed down a three mile stretch of The Seminole Wekiva Trail every Monday, Wednesday and Friday starting at 6:30 am sharp. (Well, they all start at 6:30 am sharp and I can usually be seen sprinting after them sometime around 6:45 on the days I’m not subbing.)

To say the rest of my walking group is committed is like saying Heidi Montag kind of wants to be famous. These gals (and pups) are exercise warriors. They all convene in my friend, Cindy’s, garage at around 6:25 am - the girls looking like they’ve been up for hours with perfectly coiffed hair and in cute workout gear, the dogs bouncing all over the place with tails wagging eager to start the morning’s adventure.

Let me give you a better picture of the ladies I walk with…. take Jillian Michaels from The Biggest Loser

Add a dedicated mail carrier - (Everyone in the walking group, EXCEPT ME, has bought into that whole “through rain, sleet or snow” nonsense.)

Toss in a dose of Caesar Milan (the Dog Whisperer) – Pockets are required in the cute work out gear, so as to accommodate the requisite dog treats.

Add a little Ellen DeGeneres (the funny, sweet part...not the “I want to marry a girl part.”)
Clone this person. This is what I’m dealing with!

This morning, my alarm went off at 6:00 and I turned on the news. When I heard, Tony Mainolfi of WESH Channel 2, who bless his heart, seems to think he’s still living in New York, tell us we should all find a secure place on the first floor of our homes in order to ensure our safety, I pulled up the covers for another twenty minutes of sleep.

The girls knew not to expect me this morning, so I didn’t even get a call. Here’s my standard disclaimer: If any of the following terms: Doppler, wind velocity, rotating, column of air, vortex, supercell or flying trailer – are used in the morning newscast, I will not be in attendance on the walk. I make no apologies for that. I do want to get back in my skinny jeans, but not enough to risk my life.

Anyway, I have a few words to share with my fit and (should be) committed friends: Stay safe my pretties, you and your little dogs too!

The Top Ten Reasons I Love Hot Heads...

Since there’s so much attention being paid to the Late Night Talk Show hosts right now, I thought I’d jump on the bandwagon and offer up my own Top Ten List. Without further ado, here are ten (of the many reasons) I am so taken with Hot Heads:

10. When I leave Hot Heads, my hair looks so amazing, I am convinced I could talk my way out of a ticket again, just like I did back in college.

9. I have never seen Kate Gosselin, Billy Ray Cyrus, Rod Blagojevich or Donald Trump at the salon.
8. There are no stylists or colorists wearing Mom jeans at Hot Heads.

7. There are never any giant, inflatable gorillas outside the salon. There are also never any dancing, twirling sign holders, girls in bikinis or strobe lights. People flock to Hot Heads because it is a remarkable salon.
6. There is no home office on the other side of the country calling the shots. (No offense, but I don't want an executive who has only seen the word humidity in the dictionary and who lives in a city that is under cloud cover 226 days per/year issuing edicts about how my hair should be styled. Hot Heads is a local team of talented, personable professionals who are in the business of making other people look great.

5. The Hot Heads stylists and colorists are always learning new things. They're like that guy on the late night TV commercials who is both a doctor and a lawyer.... if that guy knew what was fun and trendy in hair design. They are on top of current trends. They're fashionable and they are unbelievably skilled at what they do. (The Hot Heads hair professionals are to hair styling what Venus and Serena are to tennis, what Michael Jordan is to basketball and what my nephew, Matthew, is to Legos. There is simply no one better.)

4. There is a direct correlation between social networking site visitors and trips to Hot Heads. Well, I can’t quantify this yet, but anecdotally, I know it to be true. (In fact, I’m sure it won’t be long before Ashton and Demi catch wind of how fabulous Hot Heads clients look when they leave the salon and start flying in for a quick trim and blow out.)

3. Hot Heads has a marvelous reputation. If David Hasselhoff was a hair salon, Hot Heads would be that salon's polar opposite. This well known, stellar reputation gives the salon an edge when it comes to recruiting top talent and it keeps clients returning to the salon and referring friends. It’s simple. If you’re a stylist and you want to work for the best, you work for Hot Heads. If you’re a guy or gal who wants great looking hair, you make regular visits to the lower level of the Seminole Towne Center just outside of Macy’s.

2. If I had to put my money on who could best predict how hair would fall after a cut: Barry or the senior Physics professor at UCF, I’d put my money on Barry. I want to be set up to succeed when it comes to stying my Hair. Barry sets me up to succeed and he trains all of the stylists on his team to do the same for each of their clients.

And the number one reason, I love Hot Heads is….

1. It’s in Central Florida. Face it folks, if it were in LA, it would be so overrun with celebrities, we wouldn’t be able to get appointments.

Black Ballet Flats, Questionable Earrings and Beautiful Eyes

I just came across the most amusing Audrey Hepburn quote. I think I’m going to use this barometer when I get back out there in the dating world. Per Audrey, “You can tell what kind of a person a man really thinks you are by the earrings he gives you.” If it’s not considered too disrespectful, I’m going to add to that. You can also decide what kind of man you think he really is by the earrings he gives you.

Today, in an effort to try and save myself and others from future bad relationship choices, I’m going to put on a pair of black capris and some ballet flats, channel Audrey and offer a little dating advice.

If a man gives you these, it probably means he’s a) emotionally stunted and b) eager to make you into something you’re not. Takeaway: A man who offers you plastic baubles is not a good fit.

I saw these earrings on http://geek-glam.blogspot.com/ (Side note: I found out yesterday that the old - now closed :( - Cypress Gardens in Winter Haven is about to become the newest Legoland! Yay!)

If a man gives you these, it may mean he’s an athletic sort. It may mean he’s the consummate businessman or it may mean he has a penchant for morally shaky cocktail waitresses. Takeaway: Do your homework on this one. If you choose to proceed, proceed with caution.

If you want to buy these for yourself, go to golfersjewelry.com

If a man gives you these...

...it may mean he wants you to stop talking. You know the old adage, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Maybe he's suggesting that you take more pictures. ??? Another option is that he knows you’re a photography buff who is also into fashion. Maybe he's trying to kill two birds with one stone.

If his intentions have anything to do with the quote, consider it a deal breaker. If, on the other hand, this fashion faux pas occurred as a result of cluelessness and flawed thinking - if he thinks, for example, that this gift will earn him double the brownie points - that’s not ideal, but you might be able to work with it. Simply explain to your man that you like Scrabble too, but that doesn’t mean you want to walk around with Scrabble tiles hanging from your earlobes. (Scrabble tile earrings? Oh yeah, they make ‘em.)

On the one hand, buying you something so obvious is a sign that your guy has been paying enough attention to you to know your hobbies and interests and (more importantly) it means he was making an effort to try and please you. On the other hand, this gesture proves your guy has no fashion sense. Earrings like these are for women who are walking around in jumpers with iron on kitty appliqués on the front. Take away: This guy might be trainable. His heart is clearly in the right place. You can’t discard every man who lacks a sense of style. Better to have a real man who LOVES you dearly and who tries to make you happy than to have a Neanderthal who buys you nothing or Tim Gunn, who doesn’t love you now and never will.

The camera earrings are available on http://www.shanalogic.com/ . (There are a actually a lot of really fun, quite cute earrings on this site.) The Scrabble tile earrings can be found at http://www.supercutefactory.com/shop/

If a man gives you these, be concerned. I am quite happy for a man to spend money on me, but I don’t want him handing me an envelope full of cash. Something about these earrings screams exchange of favors. I want a man to buy me shiny things, but I don't want him to try and buy me. There's a difference. I want that line to be very clearly defined. Not only that, did you notice the denomination of these earrings? I may not be completely up to speed on the exchange rate, but I'm fairly sure there's not enough here to buy a pack of gum at the airport. If a man is going to try and buy me, I want platinum Am Ex card earrings. Takeaway: If a guy gives you these, it might be time for a change.

These earrings are actually quite lovely. They were created by a woman named Melanie Crowe, who I hope has a sense of humor. According to her site, Melanie designs her jewelry “to be full of substance, unusual, and a little bit romantic, just like the women who wear” her gorgeous works. If this describes you, log onto http://www.etsy.com/shop/damselle and check out Ms Crowe’s collection of “romantic and unusual handcrafted jewelry featuring semi-precious stones, pearls and vintage components”.

If a man gives you these and if you discover that on them is a recording of a recent argument he feels he won, it’s time to do to your relationship what Nixon once did to the Watergate tapes… hit ERASE! Takeaway: If a man’s post-argument protocol is gloating and rehashing followed by a steady diet of “I told you so”s - as opposed to the much preferable reconciliation romp - I’m telling you, he needs to go.

These earrings are from http://www.shanalogic.com/ , as well. See add’l information above.

If a man gives you these, it’s proof that he may be confusing you with a fuzzy, yellow young bird/Easter favorite, when you are, in fact, a beautiful, accomplished woman. It may also mean he’s cheap. Earrings like these should not be worn by anyone over the age of 13. If a guy doesn’t know that, he has no long term potential. Take away: To paraphrase the Jonas Brothers, which seems like such an appropriate thing to do when considering these earrings: If he gave you these, “It’s time for you to fly!”

Earrings also from http://www.shanalogic.com/

If a man gives you any of these, he’s already married… to his job. Takeaway: Don’t mess with a man whose already married.

The mini IPhone earrings are from a site called saucydragonfly.etsy.com. I popped onto Saucy’s blog, http://www.saucysprinkles.com/ yesterday. Saucy is, obviously, the mother of a teen daughter. :) She refers to herself in the third person and has cutesy names for all of her nearest and dearest, which was a tad Regis Philbin for me. On a positive note, she appears to be an amazing Mom. Per her saucydragonfly site, she’s about to come out with a Jonas Brothers bracelet and her blog describes a “Look Book” she’s creating comprised of all the snapshots she takes of her daughter’s outfits each morning before they leave for school. Because of those two projects alone, I’m giving her a pass on the third person thing. In addition to IPod and IPhone earrings, the saucydragonfly site is also a good place to go for necklaces and charm bracelets. It’s worth checking out the site just to see some of the names of Saucy's creations…. I’m partial to the Red Velvet Cupcake Charm Bracelet – YUM!, the Tooth Fairy Charm Bracelet (which among other things has a mini set of chompers, a coin and a grape soda cap on it), the Teacher’s Pet Charm Bracelet and “She Aced It… the bracelet”.

The mini Blackberry earrings can be found at picnicbybarbfeldman.etsy.com. They’re made out of FIMO polymer clay by a Toronto – based artist who must have hands the size of pencil erasers. Can you believe the detail? She’s got all kinds of cool things like this on her site. Another pair of earrings that might be of particular interest to this blog’s readers, are her scissors/comb and blow-dryer earrings. They look SO real, I halfway expected to see a mini-Barry walk up and start using them!

The floppy disc earrings were created by artist, Laura Swingle, “a full-time artist living in Southern California” whose “passion is sculpting polymer clay, especially making things SUPER-miniaturized!” Laura, a self proclaimed “child of the 80's” specializes in "retro" memorabilia, toys and video games! Her work can be found at theclaycollection.etsy.com

Japanese custom promises that anyone who folds 1000 origami cranes will have his or her wish granted. If a man gives you these earrings,

with the hope that they’ll make his after the date wishes come true, remind him that a) He’s about 998 cranes short and b) purchased replicas of handmade paper cranes probably don’t carry the same power.

** Side note, I was given 1,000 paper cranes once, back when I was 19 years old. They were handmade for me by some beautiful Japanese schoolgirls. I don’t know what they wished for me back then, as the accompanying handmade card was written in Japanese. If it was that I’d find the man of my dreams and live happily ever after, I’m here to report that these 1000 paper crane wishes aren’t exactly granted in a timely manner. Takeaway: Assume the guy just thought the earrings were attractive, exotic and fun. Assume that’s what he thinks of you too and consider keeping him around. After all, he seems like a pretty bright man.

These earrings are from http://www.hipsterchic.com/ . Hipsterchic.com features some really fun, completely unique items (from gadgets, to books, to fashion to home décor) on its site. In addition to the fact that hipsterchic.com’s wares are unusual, they’re also quite stylish and they appear to be well made. Hipsterchic.com bills itself as “the essential shopping guide for trendy, enlightened women”. It’s says its website is “very tongue in cheek”, that it doesn’t “subscribe to any one scene”, that it knows “what's hip” that it’s “not afraid to tell you!” It you’re in the market for something attractive that you probably won’t find at the mall, this is a site worth visiting.)

If a man gives you these… well that’s not good! Takeaway: Flush him!

These earrings can be found at http://www.etsy.com/shop/liciabeads . Liciabeads.etsy.com sells “handmade jewelry using precious and semi-precious gemstones, sterling, gold, vintage style floral and brass as well as the smallest of seed beads”. These earrings came from the “Joy and Giggles” section of the site. They are obviously meant to amuse. In addition to having a sense of humor, the women who designed these, an artist from the Pacific Northwest, is obviously in possession of a great deal of talent and some absolutely gorgeous beads and gemstones.

If a man gives you these, chances are good that he’s WAY too close to his mother. (You don’t think he made these do you?) The odds of this union unraveling are good. Takeaway: Yarn=yawn!

The instructions for these earrings can be found at http://diyfashion.about.com/od/earrings/ss/Crochet_Earring.htm

If a man gives you these, he’s a game player. There may not be another woman in the periphery of his life, but chances are good, there’s a guy named Chuck from Toledo with a 24” monitor and the newest version of Halo. Takeaway: There’s not a ghost of a chance this relationship is going to last.

I saw these earrings at http://www.geeky-gadget.com/

If a man gives you these, he may have groupies. (Trust me, these are not the same kind of women as yours truly.) He may decide a new amp is a better investment than an engagement ring and unless his last name is Springsteen, he’s probably making less money than you. On a positive note: people may be signing your name for generations to come. (Just ask Sharona Alperin!) Takeaway: Could be fun! Probably won’t be! There’s a very good likelihood this one’s gonna fall flat.

These earrings are from www.store.drumbum.com .

If a guy gives you these, you’re likely to come home one day and see a buck strung up in one of your trees on your front lawn and who wants that? These are a couple of good rules to live by: If the wheels on his truck are bigger than an extra large pepperoni pizza, just say no. If there is grease under his fingernails, just say no. If there are any of the following items are on his front lawn: a car on cinder blocks, an old toilet he rescued from the dump or a shrine to Dale Earnhardt, Jr made out of old carburetors and empty Budweiser cans, just say no. Takeaway: Road kill = buzz kill

These earrings are from a site called, http://anwo.com/ (Animal World Gifts). They have a huge selection of animal related gifts on this site – everything from t-shirts and blankets to jewelry depicting every species that came off the ark.)

If a man gives you these, give him some serious consideration. From a fashion perspective, these may not be your style, but there’s something to be said for a man who wants to protect you from hurt and harm. Take away: He could be the man of your dreams.

These earrings are from a site called, http://auntiestreasures.com/ .

OK…. Eww.. these have a fake drop of blood in the center of the silver hearts. If a man gives you these, he might turn out to be Robert Pattinson or Taylor Lautner or…. he might turn out to be Billy Bob Thorton. Takeaway: It’s not worth taking a chance on this one. a) You could end up in jail or b) You could end up with Billy Bob Thorton.

These earrings are from a site called, http://www.artfire.com/ which describes itself as an “Artisan Marketplace” , a “home to artists from around the globe” and a community that “celebrates and supports art and creativity in all forms”. There really are some very cool things on this site!

If a man gives you these and they come with plane tickets to some exotic locale, that could be a very good thing. If they come with a mini lampshade charm and/or a schedule of AA meetings in your area it's probably not a good thing... particulary if they are they are presented to you by your guy.... your entire family, your co-workers and friends who have been avoiding you lately at an event they're calling "an intervention". Take away: In both of these scenarios, it appears that the guy is caring and thoughtful. He might be a keeper.

These earrings are also from the http://auntiestreasures.com/ site.

If a man gives you these, RUN. RUN FAST. DON’T LOOK BACK. Takeaway: Get away!

These earrings are from a site called, http://www.closetheloop.com/ , which specializes in re-purposed and recycled wares. I spent years of my life in the company of someone who popped more than his fair share of these tabs, so I have no interest in wearing them. There are some nice products on closetheloop.com , though, and I obviously like and respect what this organization is doing. One of my favorite products on this site a wine bottle cheeseboard made by a Pennsylvania artist named, Erica Biery, out of recycled glass. Very cool!

If a man gives you these, he either thinks your sweet or he wants to slap an apron on you and banish you to the kitchen. While these are cute - if you’re a Sandra Lee kind of a girl - it’s a good rule of thumb to reject any man who presents you with jewelry that costs less a Denny’s pastry. Takeaway: Remember what Erma said… If a guy gives you cherry pie earrings, you won’t be living like the Jolie-Pitts. (Well, she said something like that!) **Update to post: If recent rumors are to be believed, the Jolie-Pitts may not even be living like the Jolie-Pitts much longer. :)

These earrings are also from http://shanalogic.com/

OK now we’re talking. If a man gives you these, he’s a keeper. That’s what I’ve heard anyway. Can’t say that I have firsthand knowledge. I’m willing to take a pair for the team though. I’ll give you my final verdict as soon open that lovely blue box. Takeaway: Let him take you away.

Of course these are from http://www.tiffany.com/ . Did I have to tell you that? I don’t think so! If I did, it’s time for you to go have breakfast with Ms Golightly. (I’m pretty sure Netflix can help you out with this.)

Anyway, guess I’d better offer the following disclaimer…The exquisite Audrey Hepburn broke off her first engagement and was twice divorced. I have not yet found the recipe to marital success either, though I’m only one up, one down, at this point. (I think Audrey suffered from the same ailment that I have. I refer to his affliction as a broken “picker”.)

The other day, a friend and I cornered a young man we know and love, who was talking about someday marrying his girlfriend. We couldn’t get our words of wisdom to him out fast enough. All of a sudden it occurred to me that his relationship may stand the test of time, whereas my friend and I have each experienced marital meltdown. I mean, really, who were we to be giving a smitten young man advice?

For that matter, who are Audrey and I to be giving you dating advice? While I do think you should think twice about continuing in a relationship with a man who gives you armadillo earrings.... if you do choose to keep him around, I still wish you the best (and I’m sure Audrey would as well)!

It seems unconscionable to write a post about Audrey Hepburn and jewelry on a blog about hair and fashion and not pay homage to the late actress’s iconic look. Since I am better equipped to discuss the inappropriateness of toilet paper-inspired earrings than I am to offer advice about how to achieve Audrey’s signature style with limited funds, I’m going to defer to another blogger I read from time to time. (I don’t know her personally, but she does make me laugh and she seems to share my eagerness to try and look pulled together at a time when funds are limited.) She’s Brunette on a Budget and her March 27, 2009 post http://www.brunetteonabudget.com/2009/03/fashionable-fridays-breakfast-at.html , Fashionable Friday’s: Breakfast at Tiffany’s, should be required reading for all aspiring fashionistas who are currently lacking the resources necessary to purchase designer originals and/or diamond tiaras.

Anyway, I think I’ll close with my two favorite Audrey Hepburn quotes. The consummate humanitarian, Audrey appeared to be even more lovely on the inside than she was on the outside. Here’s her advice about a different, and even more valuable, type of restoration and about how to achieve real beauty. In light of everything that is going on in the world this week, this advice seems both fitting and timely:

"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone."

“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.”

Guest Blogger: Brandy the Wonder Dog

I guess I should come right out with it. I was a shelter dog. Yep! :( I was in a crate outside of the Altamonte Springs PetsMart being displayed like some tired old After Christmas Clearance Sale sweater when Mom and the rock star wannabe first spied me about seven and a half years back. Can you believe it? The indignity of it all! Anyway, this might lead you to believe that I was desperate. I was not!

Brandy the Wonder Dog’s Relationship Advice: If you’re a cute girl and you know you’re a cute girl, don’t just go home with anybody. Hold out for someone worth having!

I wanted to clear that up right from the start, as there is a misconception about shelter dogs. Everyone thinks we’re like those Toy Story plastic clone aliens in the Pizza Planet claw game who keep repeating, almost as if they’re in a trance, “Pick me! Pick me!” I mean, really… what is the message in that behavior, clone aliens? A guy, plops down a little money and you feel like you have to go home with him? You owe him nothing, Kiddos! Anyway, excuse me for getting off topic for a minute there, but it seemed necessary.

As I was saying, even as a young puppy, I had standards:

If I saw someone in a Winnebago with an out of state license tag driving up, I turned off the charm and hightailed it to the corner of my crate, as I wanted no part of those snowbird types who might end up making me spend months out of the year up in... YIKES.... MICHIGAN!

If I saw some little foo foo girl with a Miley Cyrus ringtone and Juicy Couture written in script across her derriere, I did something as vile and as “un-girly” as possible. (I could elaborate here, but if you have dogs, I’m sure you can imagine.) I just wanted no part of wearing a pink rhinestone collar and being hauled around in someone’s purse.

If I saw a family leaving the PetsMart with a big bag of kitty litter, I curled back my lip and did my best to look menacing. I had no intention of dealing with scratch posts and persnickety behavior.

If I saw Michael Vick… well, I didn't see Michael Vick, but if I had.... Well that doesn’t even require an explanation, does it?

Anyway, you get the point. The rock star wannabe thinks he chose me. He thinks he is the one who begged and pleaded and prodded and wore Mom down. He thinks he is the reason I am now living in their home. He isn’t. I chose them!

I wagged my tail and looked deep into their eyes. I bounced around and carried on and generally looked endearing. I strutted my cute black and white stuff and shook my head ever so slightly, so they’d pay particular attention to my adorable floppy ears. They were powerless against my charms and whiles!

We’ve all been pretty happy with our domestic arrangement up to this point. Then came last week. Last week Mom did something I thought we were all in agreement should never happen.

She put CLOTHING on me!! :( Not just any clothing either… Mom has got me walking around in a PASTEL (!!!) Christmas sweater (Hello, It’s January!!!) complete with a smiling snowman, embroidered cheery seasonal message and rick rack border. Have you ever seen something so revolting?

Today I was laughed at by a group of 20 year olds. I was doing what I always do and barking at them for creating havoc around the house and guess what one of them said? “Ooooh … your snowman sweater scares me so much! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha”

Anyway, I know Mom has this blog about hair and style and such and I figured this might be my only hope. If you are a pet lover in possession of the smallest measure of fashion sense, stand up and DEMAND that this injustice come to a swift and decisive end. INSIST that my Mom take this hideous piece of cloth off my body immediately.

Thank you for your time and thank you in advance for any assistance you can offer! Brandy


The Hot Head Groupie’s Editorial Response: As much as I hate airing our dirty laundry, I feel I must respond. I am aware that Brandy the Wonder the Dog is probably a Winter and as such, would look better in brighter, bolder colors and I know Christmas is over. In my defense, this sweater was on clearance and it is supposed to drop down into the 30s again tonight.

Brandy, This is Florida, Young Lady! We don’t have cute, little dog couture boutiques on every corner like they do out in LA or a whole table of wool and down canine clothing at the local mall like they do up in the northeast. We have Target clearance pastel snowman sweaters. You’ll wear it and you’ll like it!



A few shots of Brandy refusing to look at the camera while wearing her snowman sweater!

Stay warm everyone!