Sweet Words

One of the most humbling and upsetting verbal exchanges I have ever been involved in took place at Dunkin Donuts about a year or so ago. In order to stay competitive, the Dunkin Donuts near my home had just started offering free WIFI. Though they will never have the same LPSF (laptops per/square footage) stats as Panera’s, it is no longer uncommon to see a Dunkin Donuts’ patron sitting at one of the picnic tables outside of the restaurant with a styrofoam cup of coffee in one hand and a mouse in the other. I am occasionally one of these patrons.

Apparantly this phenomenon is annoying to some. I found that out when a gentleman of a certain age tried to start a conversation with me. Here was his opening line: “Oh… I see your one of those types.” I foolishly engaged. “What type?”, I asked. “You know”, he responded, “one of those laptop and latte types who have been taking over my Dunkin Donuts”. “Your Dunkin Donuts?”, I shot back. “I’ve been coming to this Dunkin Donuts for over 30 years.” (In retrospect, I think that line is where the trouble began. He probably assumed I was already out on my own when I began frequenting the restaurant. Starting with that presumed age, he did the mental math.)

Right after I set him straight about whose Dunkin Donuts we were inhabiting, he perked up and switched into pick up mode. “You look to be about my age”, he began. “Are you single or do you have any friends who are?” I am rarely speechless, but for a moment, I was. I believe I mumbled a quick catchall “no” and looked back down at my e-mail. Mr Smooth continued, “How old are you anyway?”, he asked.

I stopped typing and looked directly at him. “Didn’t your mother ever teach you that it is impolite to ask a woman how old she is? Since we’re on the subject though, I’d like to know how old you are since you mentioned that we appear to be about the same age.” I am still trying to recover from his answer. “59”, he responded… then trying to back pedal since I was clearly offended….“but you look to be younger than that”. OUCH! (Of course this entire episode took place before Diane started doing my color. The man in question was also in the company of his devoted seeing eye dog, Trevor. *OK, perhaps that last part isn’t exactly accurate, but I have mentally edited it into my recollection. Everyone I know who had at least 39 candles on his or her last birthday cake has impaired vision. I’m sure this guy, who was clearly on the other side of 59, was no exception. In fact, I’m sure I was nothing more than a collection of fuzzy shapes to him. That’s what I’m choosing to believe anyway.)

This morning I had a more uplifting experience at Dunkin Donuts. I’m about a week into Operation Get My Groove Back and I decided to reward myself with …. a donut.

(Yes, I realize I need therapy.) Because of the jump start you get when you first go from eating really badly to eating moderately badly, I am four pounds lighter than I was last weekend. I’m kind of happy about this…so much so that I decided to put on a cute, bright pink sundress and sandals.

One of the other Dunkin Donuts regulars (another old cronie) gave me the once over and asked me how I can regularly eat donuts and still maintain my figure. I was elated. Clearly Operation Get My Groove Back is working… or clearly I am a just collection of fuzzy shapes to this guy too. In any event, I’ll take my compliments wherever I can get them.

This is my Operation GMGB tip of the week: If you are in need of a mental lift when trying to lose weight, put on a cute outfit and go hang out at the donut shop…or the ice cream parlor or outside of Lane Bryant. Being told you have a cute figure by partially blind people in these locales is not unlike being told you look young while taking part in a BINGO tournament at your Grandmother’s nursing home. It’s still nice to hear though!