The Hot Heads Groupie: Guest Blogger: Brandy the Wonder Dog

I guess I should come right out with it. I was a shelter dog. Yep! :( I was in a crate outside of the Altamonte Springs PetsMart being displayed like some tired old After Christmas Clearance Sale sweater when Mom and the rock star wannabe first spied me about seven and a half years back. Can you believe it? The indignity of it all! Anyway, this might lead you to believe that I was desperate. I was not!

Brandy the Wonder Dog’s Relationship Advice: If you’re a cute girl and you know you’re a cute girl, don’t just go home with anybody. Hold out for someone worth having!

I wanted to clear that up right from the start, as there is a misconception about shelter dogs. Everyone thinks we’re like those Toy Story plastic clone aliens in the Pizza Planet claw game who keep repeating, almost as if they’re in a trance, “Pick me! Pick me!” I mean, really… what is the message in that behavior, clone aliens? A guy, plops down a little money and you feel like you have to go home with him? You owe him nothing, Kiddos! Anyway, excuse me for getting off topic for a minute there, but it seemed necessary.

As I was saying, even as a young puppy, I had standards:

If I saw someone in a Winnebago with an out of state license tag driving up, I turned off the charm and hightailed it to the corner of my crate, as I wanted no part of those snowbird types who might end up making me spend months out of the year up in... YIKES.... MICHIGAN!

If I saw some little foo foo girl with a Miley Cyrus ringtone and Juicy Couture written in script across her derriere, I did something as vile and as “un-girly” as possible. (I could elaborate here, but if you have dogs, I’m sure you can imagine.) I just wanted no part of wearing a pink rhinestone collar and being hauled around in someone’s purse.

If I saw a family leaving the PetsMart with a big bag of kitty litter, I curled back my lip and did my best to look menacing. I had no intention of dealing with scratch posts and persnickety behavior.

If I saw Michael Vick… well, I didn't see Michael Vick, but if I had.... Well that doesn’t even require an explanation, does it?

Anyway, you get the point. The rock star wannabe thinks he chose me. He thinks he is the one who begged and pleaded and prodded and wore Mom down. He thinks he is the reason I am now living in their home. He isn’t. I chose them!

I wagged my tail and looked deep into their eyes. I bounced around and carried on and generally looked endearing. I strutted my cute black and white stuff and shook my head ever so slightly, so they’d pay particular attention to my adorable floppy ears. They were powerless against my charms and whiles!

We’ve all been pretty happy with our domestic arrangement up to this point. Then came last week. Last week Mom did something I thought we were all in agreement should never happen.

She put CLOTHING on me!! :( Not just any clothing either… Mom has got me walking around in a PASTEL (!!!) Christmas sweater (Hello, It’s January!!!) complete with a smiling snowman, embroidered cheery seasonal message and rick rack border. Have you ever seen something so revolting?

Today I was laughed at by a group of 20 year olds. I was doing what I always do and barking at them for creating havoc around the house and guess what one of them said? “Ooooh … your snowman sweater scares me so much! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha”

Anyway, I know Mom has this blog about hair and style and such and I figured this might be my only hope. If you are a pet lover in possession of the smallest measure of fashion sense, stand up and DEMAND that this injustice come to a swift and decisive end. INSIST that my Mom take this hideous piece of cloth off my body immediately.

Thank you for your time and thank you in advance for any assistance you can offer! Brandy

The Hot Head Groupie’s Editorial Response: As much as I hate airing our dirty laundry, I feel I must respond. I am aware that Brandy the Wonder the Dog is probably a Winter and as such, would look better in brighter, bolder colors and I know Christmas is over. In my defense, this sweater was on clearance and it is supposed to drop down into the 30s again tonight.

Brandy, This is Florida, Young Lady! We don’t have cute, little dog couture boutiques on every corner like they do out in LA or a whole table of wool and down canine clothing at the local mall like they do up in the northeast. We have Target clearance pastel snowman sweaters. You’ll wear it and you’ll like it!