Rock Star Mom

When I was in high school, I regularly read Seventeen Magazine. This meant that if I had ever been invited to join a boyfriend and his family at their house in The Hamptons, I would’ve known just what to wear. After Seventeen, I moved onto Glamour. Glamour made sure I knew to wear a basic black dress to work on (the many) days when I had to go straight from the office to a snazzy uptown cocktail party on the arm of an impossibly handsome attorney. Glamour also instructed me on the importance of stashing a sheer wrap, a tasteful clutch, sparkly earrings, the perfect shade of red lipstick and strappy sandals in my briefcase on days of this sort.

Between, my slick glossy fashion tutorials, the lovely and talented Georgette (of Gems from Georgette fame) and the bevy of beautiful and fashion forward women I am fortunate enough to call my close friends, I thought I had all the style resources I would ever need at my disposal. I couldn’t envision any social challenge that could possibly stump my team. Well, consider us stumped.

I know what to wear to a Derby Party. I know how to dress to stomp grapes. I’ve seen adorable suggested outfits for barn weddings ….and sailing excursions … and co-ed baby showers. I even know how to dress for a clambake. What I don’t know… what no one seems to know … is what is considered appropriate “Mom of a Rock Star” wear.

All of a sudden, I find myself having to assemble outfits for CD release parties, for video shoots and for tour sendoff cookouts. This is completely uncharted territory for me. There are no multi-page spreads addressing this dilemma in any of the magazines I have consulted. My friends are of no help. They know just what to wear to a former student’s wedding, to a lacrosse banquet, to a private school graduation luncheon, to a parents weekend meet and greet or to a country club brunch celebrating a neighbor’s 75th. They are of absolutely no help, however, when it comes to what one should wear when hobnobbing with other parents from a child’s band before a midnight show at The Social downtown.

Part of the problem is that there have been no pioneers. The only Mom of a “Rock Star” I can identify on sight is Debbie Nelson, Eminem’s Mom. I try to stay positive on this blog, so I need to be diplomatic here. Let’s just say, this isn’t really a look I aspire to possess.

My objective is to look hip enough so as not to embarrass my son, but I don’t want to cross the line. (I can assure you, he doesn’t want me to cross the line either. I am to blend in with the other parents and stay in the back, but I’m not to look too much like a Mom. I am not to wear outfits that draw too much attention, but I am to be current and stylish in case he chooses to introduce me to anyone or to give me a shout out from the stage. I need to look attractive enough – and yes, he wants my hair straightened - so the girls will think, “Oh yeah… now I see where he gets it...now I see why he’s considered one of the cute ones.” :). I’m not to look like I’m trying to pick up a 25 year old though. I am not to show cleavage… AS IF.) It’s all quite complicated. There are a whole list of unspoken rules he’s conveyed, but they aren’t really helping me either.)

I’ve run a mental checklist and tried to establish some basic parameters:

Spandex? .. NO!
Uber black, spider - like false eyelashes? Probably not.
Concert t-shirts? … Hmmm… Not sure… This is tricky! Oldie goldie shirts could be cool … or they might date me. (These kids hadn’t even been born during Bruce’s Born in the USA Tour.) Should I buy a shirt the band sells at the “merch” table when I arrive and change … or is that like wearing a 5K shirt to a race you haven’t run yet? Is wearing one of my son’s band’s shirts to his show overkill? Does it make me come off like one of those Moms who prattles on endlessly about her child’s accomplishments during staff meetings at work? I mean, Debbie Phelps can wear Michael’s face on her t-shirt and it is perfectly acceptable, but it would look just plain odd if Dog, The Bounty Hunter’s Mom wore his face on hers. What to do?! Elizabeth Post never addressed this.
Magenta highlights in my hair? Just can’t see it. Besides, I like the highlights I already have, thank you very much!
Jeans? This is a toughie too Mom jeans? No. Skinny, hole-y jeans?… a) I don’t have any. b) I couldn’t fit into them if I did have them. Jeans that turn heads? Whose heads would I be attempting to turn? There will likely be exactly five other “adults” at Thursday’s concert: the parents of the lead singer, the parents of the bass player and the band manager. I’m sure they’ll all be happy to know that I’m not interested in attracting that kind of attention from any of them.
A studded belt? Just seems too Brittany during her shaved head and umbrella stage.

Here’s what I wore to the last show.

I believe I bought it at Forever 21. (Thankfully they didn’t card me at the door and bar me from entering.) A lot of people in the crowd have tattoos and this dress is a nod to that. (For the record, I did not wear this as a dress. I added a taupe-y/lavender shell, so as to be in compliance with the unspoken cleavage rule, then I put leggings under it and wore it as a top. I’m sure the 20 something year old guys who were behind me in the crowd appreciated that I knew no one was interested in seeing the aging, pale, jiggly, varicose vein adorned thighs of one of the guitarists’ Moms. (This was obviously before Operation Get My Groove Back.)

The outfit is my way of saying, "Yes, I know who Ed Hardy is, but no, I am not interested in enduring the pain, spending the money or making the commitment a real tattoo would require." Also, and this point cannot be overstated - I’m over 40 and on the conservative side. Nobody (and I’m including myself in that category) wants to see me with a giant skull and cross bones on the back of my neck.

BTW, see my cousin, Myrna (next to me in the pic)? Doesn’t she look adorable? She is sporting a black t-shirt with the phrase “Rock On” in silver lettering across the front. It’s from the Wal-Mart Miley Cyrus line and it was purchased especially for the CD release party. (I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m assuming that this is the only item from the Wal-Mart Miley Cyrus collection in Myrna’s closet.)

Myrna was such a good sport. She kept me entertained the whole night. At one point, I saw her summoning one of the bouncers over. He probably assumed that she was being jostled by a kid in the mosh pit and in need of rescuing. The guy, a big burly sort with dreads barely concealed under a croched hat, came over with a deadly serious expression on his face, obviously prepared to toss the offending kid out on his ear. Next thing I know, the guy is laughing and mugging for the camera. All Myrna had wanted was to have her picture taken with him. She even screamed along with one of the warm up bands. It was impressive (!!)....so much so that it prompted my friend, Sharon to deadpan, "Oh, I see you know the lyrics." That cracks me up even now!

Though I still wish my little pumpkin
was up at UF studying Engineering…and though I wish I could still choose his outfits and accessories (!!!), I have to give him props for pursuing his passion. When he was growing up, I had the Thoreau quote, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.” all over our home. Apparently he took it to heart.

Perhaps, I should’ve looked for a poster that said, “Go confidently in the direction of your Mother’s dreams for you. Study hard. Get good grades. Write a bang up college application essay. Get accepted to a top tier school. Graduate with Honors. Get a fabulous, high paying job. Marry a wholesome girl who loves you and who will go shopping with me. Go to church every Sunday and provide me with adorable grandchildren to play with when I return from traveling the world.” *For the record, I’m still holding on tight to those last five or six!

Bottom line: My son is happy right now and the other kids in the band are actually great, smart, funny, friendly, talented, young men, most of whom were raised with the same values I tried to impart. This could be way worse. (Somebody has to be Marilyn Manson’s Mother. Can’t I tell you how glad I am that it’s not me!)

I spent too much of my life talking about what I wanted to do “someday” and waiting in the wings for things to change. My son is actively pursuing his dreams and working towards realizing them. I’m trying to embrace that and I’m trying to free my inner Rock Star Mom.

The band is doing alright too. I haven’t been asked to pick out a Grammy outfit yet, but he is in a “signed” band. He will be crisscrossing the country while on tour this Summer and he will see states I’ve yet to see. (Regardless of where this goes… There are worse things a person could do at age 21 than go see the country with a group of friends.) His band’s CD can be purchased on Amazon, I-Tunes and a host of other music - related sites and and they did just release their first professionally produced video. Here’s a link in case you want to see it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1e3FAxTHJQ4

I just watched it again and I had an epiphany. Maybe I do still have some influence on what he wears after all. 1) Those look like my old jeans 2) Though I tend to wear my silver hoops in my ears, I do own some. and 3) He got the inspiration for that plaid somewhere. (See above.)

Anyway, I’ll let you know what I decide to wear this Thursday. I’m sure you’ll be waiting with baited breath. In the meantime, I thought I’d share a song I “wrote” (read…stole from Pink and altered) called, So What He’s A Rock Star.

Yes, I’m an empty nester
He grabbed his guitar and went
My son’s off to make some money
Says music will pay his rent
I made sure he went to the right schools
I read to him every night
All of his grade school teachers said
God, that child is bright

[Chorus]
But
Guess what? he’s now a rock star
He’s got his rock moves
He doesn’t need me
And guess what
He’s having more fun
My talented son
He’s gonna show me, he’s right
He’s alright
He’s just fine
No longer needs school so
So what
He is a rock star
He’s got his rock moves
And his music is tight

Unh Check my flow Uohhh

Played him LOQ, not lullabies
And talked to him ‘bout famous Brits
Guess I kinda played a role in
His desire to make musical hits
Now his song’s been on the radio (on Real Rock 101.1)
And on I-Tunes for kids to buy
When I talk to him ‘bout getting back in school
We always end up in a fight

Na na na na
We always end up in a fight
Na na na na
We always end up in a fight

[Chorus]
But
Guess what? he’s now a rock star
He’s got his rock moves
He doesn’t need me
And guess what
He’s having more fun
My talented son
He’s gonna show me, he’s right
He’s alright
He’s just fine
No longer needs school so
So what
He is a rock star
He’s got his rock moves
And his music is tight

I’ll always care
That is for sure
I love that kid.. Short or long hair
I gave him life
Gave him my all
I’ve got his back, won’t let him fall

[Chorus]
But
Guess what, he’s now a rock star
He’s got his rock moves
He doesn’t need me
And guess what
He’s having more fun
My talented son
He’s gonna show me, he’s right
He’s alright
He’s just fine
Doesn’t need school so
So what
He is a rock star
He’s got his rock moves
And his music is tight

No, no, no, no piercings, that just ain’t right
And oh that hair
Sometimes it’s really a sight
Quite the sight
Blows my mind!
And please no tattoos, oh!

God help me, he’s now a rock star
He’s got his rock moves
And he don’t need me. His future’s bright.
He’s got his rock moves

(Wooohooooooo! )

Ba da da da pffftt

XXOO The HHG