Grounds for Dismissal (of Cellulite :)

Yesterday I wrote a somewhat controversial, but sorry, girls, all true, post about what it’s like to be a single woman in her 40s. As you might imagine, not everyone liked it. So as I always try to do when I get flak for something outrageous that I write :), I’m going to follow it up with a few clarifications:

1) I am a relatively confident gal, so please… no worries about my self esteem. I also don't really think I'm fishing with a tree branch, twine and a bent paperclip. (If that went over your head, please refer back to yesterday's post.) I am fishing in a pond, but I am, at least, using a rod and reel. It's a vintage model dating back to the Ron Popiel Pocket Fisherman days, but it works and it's still kind of, sort of cute. :) All I was alluding to is that a) men are visual, which they are - sorry if you hate that, but it’s true - and b) it never hurts to try and stack the deck in your favor.

2) The only women who thought I was exaggerating about “the pond” are my married friends. My single friends know the pond all too well and were quick to identify other species of fish that should be considered harmful to our health and well being.

3) I know that men of character care about more than just looks.

4) I know that what is supposed to happen will happen and if there’s a great guy out there for me, I will meet him with or without the assistance of a coffee ground paste. :)

5) I write about frivolous things on this site. This is a blog about hair and beauty and fashion. It’s actually supposed to be a somewhat amusing blog about hair and beauty and fashion. Never take anything I say on here too seriously. (Well, takewhat I have to say about where to get your hair cut and colored seriously, but that's about it.) For example, I don’t really think there are only three decent single men in my zip code. There could actually be as many as five.

OK, now that you’re no longer worried about me or my shallow, pessimistic outlook on life… let’s get back to the important matter at hand…vanquishing cellulite. (Maya from Completely Coastal, a blog I read on a regular basis, mentioned that Dr. Oz doesn’t think cellulite can be tamed. I’ve come to really appreciate Maya and I adore her blog. I’m also a huge Dr. Oz fan. Still, I say what can it hurt to give this a try? (Well, it could create an enormous mess in your bathroom and possibly leave you without olive oil for tonight’s dinner, but with those exceptions, what can it hurt to give this a try?)

I doubt seriously that a coffee ground/olive oil paste and Saran Wrap was ever given careful consideration by Dr. Oz or any of his colleagues and I feel certain that this methodology was never discussed in any of their scholarly journals. Here are the only facts I need to know: Demi Moore can afford pricey anti-cellulite treatments, but instead prefers this home remedy and Demi Moore bagged the fifteen years her junior and rather easy on the eyes, Ashton Kutcher. Anyway, onto my own research….

I did, in fact, give this a try and to my optimistic eye, my thighs and caboose look a little less frightening today. Here are what I consider to be the pros and cons of making and using the coffee ground paste:

Pros
Though there is not any research (that I know of) to support the claim that this works, a lot of people swear it does. Google it. This is a new concept to me, but women have been fans of this paste for years.

When you wash off the coffee and olive oil, the aforementioned areas of your bod will feel so soft and smooth.

Even in my economically challenged state, I can afford this “treatment”.

If you put Crest White Strips on your teeth and cucumber slices on your eyes at the same time you’re slathering yourself in coffee grounds and olive oil (as I did :), you will a) start laughing and improve your spirits and b) scare off any unwanted home intruders who should happen to wander in.

Cons
I had a hard time shaking the Marabel Morgan (Total Woman) “wrap your nude body in Saran Wrap and greet your man” image out of my brain.

You will feel a tad ridiculous while engaging in this activity. You will find yourself explaining to your pet why you are standing naked in your bathroom covered in a thick brown paste.

This is a messy venture. If you are the kind of gal whose blood pressure rises at the very thought of a gritty, greasy substance in the vicinity of your gleaming white bathroom tile, this may not be for you.

Chances are good, that when you’re done with this “treatment”, you’ll find yourself craving a donut.

Anyway, that’s it. Don’t ever say I don’t go the extra mile for you.
The HHG

PS Please let me know if you try this and/or if you know of any great single guys.