Like so many other girls my age, I mentally walked down the aisle with Diana. I was in the early stages of what ended up being a three and a half year on again/off again college romance. The man I was dating wasn’t the one I ended up marrying. If it can believed, this one was even worse. Not then though. At that stage of our relationship, he was singing me love songs. (He did have a fabulous voice.) He was writing me sweet notes and quoting song lyrics to me in cards and taking me on plane rides . He was buying me roses and cute little trinkets. He was taking me to his family events and his fraternity formals. We were betting on horses with clever names and sharing bottles of wine at intimate restaurants on the Kentucky River and walking hand in hand on the beach. I was young and innocent and hopeful and I thought, in love.
I’ve learned so many things since that time. I could – and may – someday write a book about all of them.
There were no carriages or throngs of adoring fans when I got married, but I did have my version of the big white wedding - complete with a flowy size four gown, a drop dead gorgeous groom, beautiful bridesmaids in pink taffeta, white twinkle lights, a multi-tiered cake topped with real pink roses and a lighted fountain.
(Cut me some slack, it was the 80s. :) Like Diana, I ignored the red flags, relished the moment, embraced the dream and paid the price. The number one lesson learned the VERY, VERY hard way and the piece of advice I’d give to any twenty something gal who asked for my thoughts on men and marriage: Don’t let childhood fairy tales, great chemistry or the pages of Destination Weddings cause you to shut down portions of your brain when choosing a mate.
What else have I learned since 1981? There’s not room in this post. Guess I’ll just share a few random things readers of this blog and/or the young and engaged might find to be of interest:
13) If you force women you love and cherish to wear a color most often identified with nurseries, bubble gum and upset stomachs, they will find ways to punish you. If you make them wear pastel pink at your wedding, you may find yourself walking down the aisle in hoop skirts or ruffled blouses or on the arm of a 5’2” male cousin at theirs.
12) Opting out of pre-marital counseling because the cost would impact honeymoon spending is not a good idea.
11) Evening weddings in Florida are a recipe for lobster - faced and in some cases, intoxicated, northern wedding guests.
10) While it is acceptable to invite single friends and relatives without giving them the option of a "plus one", it probably shouldn’t be done. Better to nix the blue cheese stuffed olives on the buffet and budget for another couple of guests than to offend one of your Aunts.
9) There is no bigger waste of cash on this planet than the money spent on dyed to match shoes.
8) Gardenias, though gorgeous and fragrant, are not suitable for bridal bouquets. (I actually learned this one from my florist before my wedding.)
7) Hard core tow truck drivers will charge just as much to retrieve a car with “Just Married” written in shoe polish on the back window as they will to retrieve any other car on their lots… and to add insult to injury, they’ll laugh when they take your money.
6) Sometimes the guy who catches the garter is more interested in someone who wears one on HIS arm than in someone who wears one on HER leg.
5) Creating a workable seating chart when both sets of parents have been divorced and when certain factions of the family aren’t speaking is every bit as challenging as a 12 grid game of Sudoku.
4) While there is much to be said for being frugal, there are certain areas where a bride should not skimp on her wedding day. What, for example, is the point of buying a great dress with a sweetheart neckline if you aren’t going to invest in a nude colored push up bra to properly show off your assets?
3) The money you save by getting nail tips applied at the local beauty school just may end up being spent on the nail polish remover you will have to soak your hands in for days on end to remove the thick, pale pink archery arrow tips cemented onto the ends of your fingers.
2) It’s important to ask your husband if he has enough gas in the car to get you from the church to the reception without a stop at the neighborhood Mobil station, and
1) Having your hair professionally styled the day of your wedding is non-negotiable. Allowing your sister to get hers styled as well is an even better idea . Two young women, one of whom is chronically tardy and one of whom is a little high strung, trying to share a set of hot rollers and a bathroom mirror in a non-air conditioned house in the middle of a toasty Florida Summer does not make for a Martha Stewart Weddings moment. I don’t like my hair in my wedding pictures and my beautiful sister, does not like hers either. Not only that, my Mother’s vacuum cleaner, which inexplicably became airborne during the heat of this stress - inducing, power primping period of time, never fully recovered.
If I ever marry again, it will likely be in a laid back ceremony on the beach. My aspiring rock star wanna be son will start the festivities by blowing into a conch shell horn before walking me down the aisle. My groom and I will probably be barefoot. There will be white folding chairs and drinks with paper umbrellas and tropical flowers and seafood and paper lanterns or tiki torches. It will be a fun day with very little pretense.
Most importantly, if I ever do take that big step again, I want to do so with two essential things that were missing the first time around: 1) a quality man who properly values me and who is in it for the long haul and 2) great wedding day hair.
Not sure where the guy is, but I do know where to go for the hair: Hot Heads 407-671-0480
Love it Bets! Agree with all of it!
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